​Sometimes, the way we think about situations can cause us to feel worse.
We may not even know that our thoughts are irrational or that our distorted interpretation of events reinforces negative emotions or beliefs.
Here’s a great article about common cognitive distortions and how to challenge them.

15 Common Cognitive Distortions by John M. Grohl, Psy.D.
Copyright 2014 www.psychcentral.com.
All rights reserved. Reprinted here with permission of the author.

What’s a cognitive distortion and why do so many people have them?

Cognitive distortions are simply ways
that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to
reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but
really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

For instance, a person might tell themselves, “I always fail when I try to do something new; I, therefore, fail
at everything I try.” This is an example of “black or white” (or polarized) thinking. The person is only seeing
things in absolutes — that if they fail at one thing, they must fail at all things. If they added,
“I must be a complete loser and failure” to their thinking, that would also be an example of
overgeneralization — taking a failure at one specific task and generalizing it their very self and identity.

Cognitive distortions are at the core of what many cognitive-behavioral and other kinds of therapists try
and help a person learn to change in psychotherapy. By learning to correctly identify this kind of “stinkin’ thinkin’,”
a person can then answer the negative thinking back, and refute it. By refuting the negative thinking over
and over again, it will slowly diminish overtime and be automatically replaced by more rational, balanced thinking.

Cognitive Distortions
Aaron Beck first proposed the theory behind cognitive distortions and David Burns was responsible
for popularizing it with common names and examples for the distortions.

1. Filtering.
We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.
For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that
their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking).
In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure —
there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or
allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect,
you see yourself as a total failure.

3. Overgeneralization.
In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece
of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person
may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

4. Jumping to Conclusions.
Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular,
we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. For example, a person may conclude that someone
is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example
is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is
already an established fact.

5. Catastrophizing.
We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.”
We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).
For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or
someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until
they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).
With practice, you can learn to answer each of these cognitive distortions.

6. Personalization.
Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind
of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who
is smarter, better looking, etc. A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the
cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late
to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to
leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

7. Control Fallacies.
If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it
if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control
has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us.
For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

8. Fallacy of Fairness.
We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us.
As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.”
People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will
often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in
your favor, even when you think they should.

9. Blaming.
We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every
problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any
particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

10. Shoulds.
We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make
us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to
motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.
For example,“I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders.
The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others,
they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.

11. Emotional Reasoning.
We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and
boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

12. Fallacy of Change.
We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change
people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling.
We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing,
and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a
specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.

For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone
else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as
“He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally
loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person
who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”

14. Always Being Right.
We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable
and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me
makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important
than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy.
We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York: New American Library.
Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library.